In It

SMS: Stage Manager’s Syndrome

I’m sure I’ve mentioned my current endeavor: Assistant Directing/Stage Managing this semesters faculty directed studio show Polaroid Stories. I literally can’t put to words how grateful I am for this experience, and how much this process is teaching me. But seriously though. I’ve never realized how most of my theatre work has been product-oriented, as opposed to process-oriented. Even in professional situations. Because of time and money, the process is quickly rushed through and there’s a great pressure to get things right the first time. There’s no exploration. No chance to play.  This process has been the opposite of that. First of all, it actually FEELS like a process. It’s a complete extension of all the training I’m currently receiving (my core classes specifically), and it’s just been so good for me. BUUUUT (because there’s always a but), I do have to admit I have a BAD case of Stage Manager’s Syndrome. What is SMS, you ask? Well, it’s when your sitting at the table following on book, watching people doing excellent work, and WISHING you were up there with them. Hands down, the most beautiful work I’ve seen done at the conservatory has happened here in rehearsal... which is thrilling, and I’m grateful to just be in the room, but this last week I’ve been so envious of everyone that gets to dive in and bring this material to life.  Because I wanna act too. I’m majoring in it, aren’t I? And this piece is so great. And the cast is fantastic. And our director is literally the coolest. And the way he works is the way I like to work. Like, so good. It’s all so good. I’m seriously being spoiled with this show.

Oh. And we went to the Fens last weekend to play. So good.

Life on the Grid, Life on the Grid, Life on the Grid and Repetition

One thing I’m constantly working on in class is tearing down my walls, and allowing myself to be emotionally accessible. I realized recently that it’s in my Viewpoints class that I am the most “there”, in my body/heart and not in my head. And I’ve been trying to put my finger on why, so I can bring that same sense to my other classes. I’m pretty sure it’s the grid. It’s the soft focus. It’s the awareness of everyone else and this idea that selfishness is not an option (because I’ll hurt someone or myself). And that’s fine because I’m not worried about myself, I’m moving on the grid… it’s not calculus. It’s giving myself over to impulse. Allowing myself to be affected by the people around me. And these things relate directly to the Meisner work we’re doing. So I bring the grid there. Not over-analyzing. Not looking for the smart answer. Just reacting. And not censoring.

Viewpoints is probably one of my favorite things ever. I look back at my senior year of high school and realize my performance art class was kind of a crash course of viewpoints (not getting to into the terminology, and really just diving into composition). So coming back to it now… and giving it the time and care it deserves is the best. And though I’m anxious to move into sound/gesture and actually creating pieces, I’m happy I get the chance to build a solid foundation.

Meisner is cool. I miss Uta though. You miss Uta though? I miss Uta though.

Repetition exercises seem to have taken us over. We repeat in class. We repeat on breaks. We repeat in line at Starbucks. We repeat at parties. We repeat.

Fitzmaurice is wild. Tremoring is a trip. I’m seriously enjoying it. Such a great release.

What Am I Doing With My Life?

 It’s been said, “You can have anything, but you can’t have everything”. That shit terrifies me. Why? Because I want everything out of life. Apparently I confuse people, because here I am majoring in musical theatre even though my ultimate goal in life is NOT Broadway (gasp!).  WHY WOULD I LIMIT MYSELF LIKE THAT?

I want to be a successful stage actor.

I want to be a published playwright.

I want to an accomplished director.

I want my screenplay to turn into a big budget motion picture.

I want someone to pick up and produce my tv show.

I want to start my own theatre company.

I want to employ my friends.

I want a recurring role on Law & Order: SVU.

I want to launch and lead Law & Order: Miami.

I want to be on Broadway.

I want to be off-Broadway.

I want to be in a National Tour.

I want to go to grad school.

I want to do performance art.

I want to photograph theatre.

I want to be a theatre critic.

I want to win a Tony.

I want to live in New York. Chicago. Boston. Miami. LA.

I want to pay off my student loans before I die.

I want to be happy.

So there. This is what I want from the universe. Law of Attraction, right? “Whatever you think about, you bring about”. I’m not ashamed of my dreams. And I’ll never stop following them.

Tired

I haven’t had a night off in about 3 and half weeks. I could really use a good nights sleep. And my whole body is sore. Which is awesome, but ow.